Giving Up

So often in life, we are told to never give up. It's a sign of weakness, immaturity, and foolishness. We are supposed to push and push until we can't push anymore, then keep pushing. The idea is to dig deep inside of ourselves, "knowing" that we are strong and able to do anything we set our minds to. I'm learning to give up.

I am a firm believer in the idea of "total depravity." This means that we, as the human race, are evil from birth and born into sin, seeking our own gain and momentary pleasure. Genesis 6:5 says "The LORD saw that the wickedness of man was great in the earth, and that every intention of the thoughts of his heart was only evil continually." This shows that every intention we have is evil, from the early days of our existence (ever since the fall, or original sin), and Romans 3:12 agrees, declaring that "all have turned aside; together they have become worthless; / no one does good, / not even one." Nothing we can do pleases God or is righteous. Nothing we can do is worth anything. Uplifting stuff, huh?

The great thing about God's word is that it is filled with this seemingly depressing truth, but as a way of giving us hope. Without understanding we are sinful and worthless, and our "days pass away like smoke" (Psalm 102:3a), we can't understand how amazing God and his power are, or much less our necessity for him. But with this knowledge, knowing that there is nothing inside of us that is good, no matter how deep we dig or how much we push we can never live up to God's righteous standard or do anything qualified as good, we can find freedom from this in the Holy Spirit and finally accomplish the good works the Lord has prepared for us (Ephesians 2:10).

So with this background, I've been learning how to stop pushing, stop digging deep, and to give up. I consistently and daily forget I am unable to do anything alone. I try to lead Joelle and our relationship alone. I try to give advice alone. I try to grow closer to our Father alone. It's foolishness and it never works.

In fact, this past week I went through spells of feeling inexplicably sad. I spent these times wondering how I could feel better. Maybe if Joelle said the right thing, or I bought myself something fun, or if I was outright with it enough someone may feel sorry for me and fix it. The whole time I felt the Spirit prompting me to trust my Father, knowing he is sovereign and will work this for my good (the meaning of which is a whole other post I could write). But I refused at first, armed with my foam sword of mentalities that I just need to dig deep, push push push.

Having failed in my foolishness, I'm learning to give up. I'll never fully understand how, and until Jesus returns and everything is made complete I won't be fully sanctified, but I'm learning a little more now. I'm understanding more than ever I'm an evil human, whose only ability for good and sanctification is the Holy Spirit I've been sealed with by my faith in Christ and the Father's grace.