Personal Story: God Holding Me Secure

I've struggled for a long time with fairly crippling sadness and self-loathing. I can't say this is "depression" as I have never gone to get it checked out, but it is something I have experienced for a long time, fading in and out as it sees fit. Saturday night I had one of these experiences that flowed into Sunday. I was supposed to hang out with my fiance, but she was working on a project the whole time. I blamed it on that. But as it progressed I realized more and more this was simply a trigger. I started to feel worthless, unnecessary, and desired nothing more than to sleep and wallow. Even the next morning, I found it hard to get out of bed and at church couldn't help: I still longed for my bed or couch to simply lie there with no real purpose.

My loving fiance, being the great encouragement she is, reminded me I should read my Bible and spend time with God. This was obviously not what I wanted to do so I resisted, but it did remind me of something I tweeted just the day before.

This was meant as simply a general reminder, but oh how it spoke to me then! The link points to these verses: "Therefore, as you received Christ Jesus the Lord, so walk in him, rooted and built up in him and established in the faith, just as you were taught, abounding in thanksgiving." (Colossians 2:6-7 ESV) Well you can imagine I felt incredibly silly knowing I had just attempted to encourage my few Twitter followers to find their comfort and foundation in Christ and here I was wallowing and letting myself feel worthless for no reason. But here in Colossians, I was reminded to keep Christ as my root and base so I could be secure in the sturdiest of foundations, not wavering with slight upsets but overflowing with praise for him.

The rest of the night God used to plant my feet firmly back in his grace and love. The youth group I am blessed to help at had a big event. I got to see a number of students who are serious about Christ worship and serve him to create this opportunity for our pastor Bill to rightly share the Gospel with many new faces. The Father put me right in the middle of a dire situation for a student, not to prove myself or make me look good, but to remind me and those involved that he is deserving of glory and he has not left us on Earth by accident. I was reminded of one of my favorite verses, which God has used countless times to pull me out of this sense of worthlessness and purposelessness to a right knowledge of his calling and decision to use me specifically. It reads "For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them." (Ephesians 2:10 ESV) Paul, in his letter to Ephesus, just finishes famously explaining that we are saved by God's grace through our faith, which itself is a gift from him. Immediately after, here in verse 10, he explains that God saved and made us new creations to do good things for God and his Kingdom. However, these are not a general calling, but specific things that he prepared already. I was not saved from my sinful nature to simply die and go to be with God one day. I was not saved to, in general, work for God wherever I happen to find the opportunity. I was saved for specific, planned events that God designed for me, Garrett DeMeyer, to do for his glory. Helping that student through a rough patch Sunday night was not something that was an accident or an after thought: Before time began, God planned for me to be there, help him, and to bring God glory in it all.

If you are a Christian, this is true of you too. Or if you ever realize you are a slave to sin (like the rest of us) and can only reach God and true joy through Christ Jesus, knowing he loved you enough to die and to three days later rise again, paying for your sins so you could have a relationship with the Father, this will be true of you as well. Everyone who puts this trust in Jesus' sacrifice has good works planned out for them by God. Do not dare to say you don't have a purpose, do not dare to let the stones cry out in praise instead, when this is true of you, Christian.