We Deserve It

I was listening to an internet radio station recently when an ad came on for a flower delivery service. The narrator's claim was that men should buy flowers for the special ladies in their life because the ladies deserve it. Isn't that an interesting thought, to buy flowers for your wife/girlfriend because she has done something to deserve them? What am I to do when my wife does not deserve flowers? This ad lingered in my head for a while, as I considered that my wife, Joelle, does not deserve my love, nor I hers. I'm a hopeless romantic, huh?

This is a truth we should find joy and hope in: None of us are deserving of love. If we take the Bible seriously, and as fact, it is obvious throughout the whole book. The reader may be familiar with the biographies of Adam and Eve, the first two humans who were created by God and he loved them. Why? They had done nothing to lend to their creation and clearly had no time to do anything of worth before God set his love upon them. He loved them out of his own choice, not because their actions demanded it. Later in their lives, they committed the first sin, or disobedience of God, letting sin and death enter the world. As Romans 5:12 says "...sin came into the world through one man, and death through sin, and so death spread to all men because all sinned..."

Now because of Adam and Eve's disobedience, we are all disobedient and destined for death. All of mankind are born sinful and all "the intention of man's heart is evil from his youth." (Genesis 8:21b) We came to a place as a species where every act, thought, and will is wicked; we "glory in (our) shame" and our "god is (our) belly," (Philippians 3:19) finding it good to be evil and worshiping our selfish desires.

This is not only clear in scripture, but it is clear in the world. Death is an obvious component, with over two million deaths in 2010 in the U.S. alone, according to the CDC. Even the presence of wickedness is obvious to the naked eye. I do not feel the need to point out specifics, as the reader may turn on the news and see for themselves. There is obviously something wrong with the world, and it is obviously mankind.

Why would I find joy and hope in this truth of the wickedness of mankind? I think it is most clear by showing the opposite situation, when I do not believe this truth in my relationship with Joelle (or any friend, really). When I think I deserve the love of my wife, I am less satisfied in her love. When I think I have earned her affection or my actions demand she make me dinner, wash my clothes, and spend our time as I wish, I am not happy when she does these things. Rather, I am upset and angry when she does not clean the apartment, tend to my every need, or wake up when I do. As well, when I think she should deserve my love, I find no joy in showing it to her. If I think she could ever deserve me making her lunch in the morning, hanging up curtains, or buying her favorite soda, I will not ever do it out of love, but out of "necessity" and with grumbling.

However, when I hold our flesh's wickedness to be true, I find joy in her love for me because I know I did not deserve it. When I come home or wake up to a clean apartment, I know that nothing I did dictated Joelle should do that for me. She did it out of love. Furthermore, when I remember Joelle could never earn my love, I find joy in showing it to her. I make her lunch in the morning knowing that she didn't deserve it and I am showing her not an action that necessity was laid upon me to do, but one I wanted to.

I hope it is clear I am not writing of my relationship with my wife, but our relationship with God. We know we have done nothing to deserve his love and have only shown wickedness and contempt toward him. Yet he sent his son, Jesus, not because we deserved it, but because he wanted to. I am not speaking solely to non-Christians here, so Christians don't tune out - we all must continually understand what Jesus Christ has done for us. He lived the perfect life we could never live, died the death we could not, raised to life again, and ascended to pay for the sins we commit daily.

This means his payment is completely and exclusively out of his grace and mercy for us. Again, we have done nothing to necessitate these actions and have done nothing of love to him that would demand his love for us. So when we first realize the position our sin has put us in with God, we must turn to Christ and ask for this grace and mercy that comes only through faith because we cannot work our way to it. And after we have accepted his free grace and are saved as Christians, we must continue to realize we have not earned his love and cannot. There is no arrogance to be had and no striving to be done, the work is completed and being completed in us.

So I find joy in this truth of our wickedness because it means God loves me out of his own will, and out of true love. I never have to work for his favor or affection - I cannot - but simply have faith in Christ's death and resurrection. I will close with a quote from rap artist Propaganda, explaining that our value is not determined by anything we do, but by how much one loves us:

But worth, value, and beauty is not determined by some innate qualityBut by the length for which the owner would go to possess themAnd broken and ugly things just like us are stamped "Excellent"

Why I Am Ok Without God

All of us at one point have thought we are alright without God, with no need for him, his grace, or his presence. Understanding why that's a lie is one matter, but why would someone even think that? As I said in my last post, we often rely on other humans to feel loved when on their own they are incapable of such a thing. This is not limited to other humans, but we put our faith and trust in so much to survive everyday life or even eternal life. How could we be so foolish?

One examination of the problem is in Jeremiah 2. The chapter comments on Israel's condition, having turned from the LORD and seeking their own glory. God illustrates it beautifully in verse 13:

for my people have committed two evils:
    they have forsaken me,
        the fountain of living waters,
    and hewed out cisterns for themselves,
        broken cisterns that can hold no water.

Just like someone would not turn to a cracked water bottle for relief from thirst or a glass with a hole at the bottom, this verse illustrates the foolishness of people turning from God and turning to false gods, like we do all the time. Obviously, there are so many other places we see this, but I prefer the imagery here.

A key to this question is what the flesh desires. Galatians 5 lays it out explicitly. "Now the works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions, envy, drunkenness, orgies, and things like these." (vv 19-21a) If our physical being, our evil selves seek such things, and find them, they will feel satisfied. It is their foolish replacement for the joy and grace of God. So telling someone that they will not be satisfied without God may seem as a lie to them, because their flesh is satisfied with evil things. But their soul will not survive on these.

If God is working in someone's heart, they will come to know their longing and need of him. Nothing we say or do can change their mind, unless it is God's work as well (1 Corinthians 3:5-9). So we think we're ok without God unless he's working in us to convince us of his truth. We are satisfied with sins and evil, even when we let the flesh control us, and God is the one who reveals our brokenness.

Everyone Will Let You Down

I'm going to share a current frustration with you: myself and everyone I know keep trusting humans.We are relying on each other for happiness and fulfillment, to inevitably get let down again and again. My Facebook news feed is filled with these stories; Friend X posts a status about how amazing Y is and  they are the best friend ever, oh so loving, etc., only for the friendship to be broken up and passive-aggressive statuses to be seen a week later. Rinse and repeat. The problem is that apart from Christ, we cannot love.

If you are not a Christian and you're reading this, you're ready to throw tomatoes. If you are saved, you may feel the same way. The statement that those outside of Christ cannot love is admittedly controversial, to say the least, because everyone thinks that they or their non-Christian friends love each other, and it's obviously offensive to claim otherwise. Now if you aren't a Christian, the Bible itself needs its own proving (I'd be glad to help you with that if you contact me), but my intent is to show you and Christian readers what it says about the ability to love, as I think our culture has some misconceptions on the issue.

 I'll start with the general idea (and you'll come to find out my favorite to teach about), humans are evil; I'll be honest, I think it is central to a lot of the issues in today's world. Paul lays it out well in Romans 3, quoting various passages of Psalms.

    “None is righteous, no, not one;
        no one understands;
        no one seeks for God.
    All have turned aside; together they have become worthless;
        no one does good,
        not even one.”
    “Their throat is an open grave;
        they use their tongues to deceive.”
    “The venom of asps is under their lips.”
        “Their mouth is full of curses and bitterness.”
    “Their feet are swift to shed blood;
        in their paths are ruin and misery,
    and the way of peace they have not known.”
        “There is no fear of God before their eyes.”
(Romans 3:10b-18)

It's a reoccurring theme, seen again in Romans 8:7-8: For* the mind that is set on the flesh is hostile to God, for it does not submit to God's law; indeed, it cannot. Those who are in the flesh cannot please God. If you accept that God is good, then not following God is intuitively the antithesis of good, or evil. One cannot seek the flesh, or selfish desires, and God's good and perfect will. This would be like a soldier fighting on the front lines for both sides in a war. It is impossible to fully serve either side.

So, in general, humans are of an evil nature. This follows logically to prove that they are incapable of love. Simply, love is good so the evil are incapable of partaking in it. It is displayed in the Bible multiple places, one such being 1 John 4:7-8: Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love. What this is saying is without a connection to God (being saved by Jesus' sacrifice and being sealed with His Spirit), one cannot love. Like a cord cannot carry electricity apart from the outlet or vessels cannot carry blood if disconnected from the heart. God is not just the source of love, he is love. So being disconnected from him, is a disconnection from love.

Now those who disagree with my claim will respond with something along the lines of "but my non-Christian friends love me" or "I am not a Christian and love my friends." I think a key to understanding this is the difference between what we have decided is love, and what the Bible is referring to here. What we see as love is a societal norm, or a means to a selfish end. I do it all the time: I show someone kindness as a bartering tool or because I'm supposed to, not selflessly as the Spirit would have me do. So you see I admit that Christians are not perfect in this and we still "love" by the world's standard when we do not let our Helper, the Holy Spirit, work through us.

There is still the question of why someone who is not saved can make others feel loved, but this post is long and accomplished it's original goal. I will continue that discussion sometime this week. Please comment with disagreements so I may address them in that post as well.


*Whenever you see "for" or "therefore" starting a verse, it means that there is an argument before this verse affecting the one you are reading. It is easy to take these things out of context, so always make sure the verse or passage is being used correctly, according to the surrounding text (even if it's being used by me).

We Stand Like A Bombed Out Building

So I restarted this blog to shift focus from my summer working for CIY to what God has taught/is teaching me. Those who are saved by his grace and sealed with the Holy Spirit are continuously being sanctified (i.e. being made perfect, Christ-like) through the Spirit, and that includes me. One thing I have never been good at is living like the church is Christ's body and bride (Romans 12:3-5; Ephesians 5:31-32). I have been taught numerous ways to "love my brothers and sisters," to "reach out the the rest of the body," and more recently, a new one, "love in faith" so that I know I don't need to feel anything toward anyone to show them love. I am still pompous and arrogant.

I know it's dangerous exposing my sin like this because, like James 3:1 says, "...we who teach will be judged with greater strictness." I consider myself a teacher, in some regards, so this verse scares me, especially because how I see this blog running is that it's filled with things I'm learning (read: things I'm failing at). And if I admit to any reader who stumbles upon this that I fail at loving them, why should they listen to any wisdom God gives me?

My comfort lies in the fact that I am evil. Yeah, you read that right. I am a sinner and I only want to sin, without God's help. However, God has changed my heart enough for me to accept his gift of grace through Jesus' death and be sealed with the Holy Spirit, as I mentioned earlier. So through God's Spirit, I can love my brothers and sisters, but I cannot on my own.

For the mind that is set on the flesh is hostile to God, for it does not submit to God's law; indeed, it cannot. Those who are in the flesh cannot please God.
You, however, are not in the flesh but in the Spirit, if in fact the Spirit of God dwells in you. Anyone who does not have the Spirit of Christ does not belong to him. But if Christ is in you, although the body is dead because of sin, the Spirit is life because of righteousness. If the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, he who raised Christ Jesus from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through his Spirit who dwells in you.
(Romans 8:7-11 ESV)

This is what I'm learning, always and until the day all is restored and I am fully sanctified through the Spirit. Currently, it applies to my inability to love. I cannot love alone, I need Christ in me to love for me, and to give up my selfish ambitions of seeming cool or above it all. Generally, it applies to every sin and lack of righteousness in my life. If this blog continues, you will get tired of hearing it, but will always need to: we are sinners and the only good in us is Christ, if we are saved.

Giving Up

So often in life, we are told to never give up. It's a sign of weakness, immaturity, and foolishness. We are supposed to push and push until we can't push anymore, then keep pushing. The idea is to dig deep inside of ourselves, "knowing" that we are strong and able to do anything we set our minds to. I'm learning to give up.

I am a firm believer in the idea of "total depravity." This means that we, as the human race, are evil from birth and born into sin, seeking our own gain and momentary pleasure. Genesis 6:5 says "The LORD saw that the wickedness of man was great in the earth, and that every intention of the thoughts of his heart was only evil continually." This shows that every intention we have is evil, from the early days of our existence (ever since the fall, or original sin), and Romans 3:12 agrees, declaring that "all have turned aside; together they have become worthless; / no one does good, / not even one." Nothing we can do pleases God or is righteous. Nothing we can do is worth anything. Uplifting stuff, huh?

The great thing about God's word is that it is filled with this seemingly depressing truth, but as a way of giving us hope. Without understanding we are sinful and worthless, and our "days pass away like smoke" (Psalm 102:3a), we can't understand how amazing God and his power are, or much less our necessity for him. But with this knowledge, knowing that there is nothing inside of us that is good, no matter how deep we dig or how much we push we can never live up to God's righteous standard or do anything qualified as good, we can find freedom from this in the Holy Spirit and finally accomplish the good works the Lord has prepared for us (Ephesians 2:10).

So with this background, I've been learning how to stop pushing, stop digging deep, and to give up. I consistently and daily forget I am unable to do anything alone. I try to lead Joelle and our relationship alone. I try to give advice alone. I try to grow closer to our Father alone. It's foolishness and it never works.

In fact, this past week I went through spells of feeling inexplicably sad. I spent these times wondering how I could feel better. Maybe if Joelle said the right thing, or I bought myself something fun, or if I was outright with it enough someone may feel sorry for me and fix it. The whole time I felt the Spirit prompting me to trust my Father, knowing he is sovereign and will work this for my good (the meaning of which is a whole other post I could write). But I refused at first, armed with my foam sword of mentalities that I just need to dig deep, push push push.

Having failed in my foolishness, I'm learning to give up. I'll never fully understand how, and until Jesus returns and everything is made complete I won't be fully sanctified, but I'm learning a little more now. I'm understanding more than ever I'm an evil human, whose only ability for good and sanctification is the Holy Spirit I've been sealed with by my faith in Christ and the Father's grace.